I remember well the night I decided to tell my mom my big secret. We had an hour car ride ahead of us and I was determined to finally spill the hurt that had been tearing my heart apart for five years. I spent the whole hour re-positioning (and sweating profusely) trying to form the words on my mouth.
I had an abortion.
I got pregnant. It was not planned. I was afraid and I believed the lie that abortion was a quick fix and would be the answer to all my problems. I would be able to go on living my life, but I was deceived. My life quickly began to spiral. I was depressed and self-destructive and filled with shame. I continued to believe the lies: “You don’t have a right to be sad. You chose this. You are alone. People would reject you if they knew what you did. You are unworthy of God’s forgiveness.”
I waited until we were in the driveway and I still couldn’t form the words. In God’s mercy, my mom just knew and she comforted me and told me that she loved me. A few days later, she referred me to a Bible study that she knew for women who had experienced the trauma of abortion. I felt like I had been drowning for so long and this was my precious gulp of fresh air.
Surrendering the Secret shattered the lies that had imprisoned my heart for so long. I was not alone. I found a group of women who understood what I was going through, who had no place of judgement or condemnation. I found a place where I could share my story. I was granted the space to be sad, where I could grieve my tremendous loss. Most importantly, I met with God through His Word and like a tender parent, He comforted me and told me that He loved me, unabashedly loved me.
Since then, I married a godly man and have since had beautiful babies. I have shared my story with women in my church about complete freedom in Christ. I have had the opportunity to lead this incredible study at Care Net with the gift of meeting other women whose lives are transformed by this study. I have shared my story with strangers who are hurting…the same story that couldn’t even form on my lips now flows shamelessly because of this recovery group.
For my fellow sisters who have experienced abortion, I know your heartache. I urge you: be a part of this Bible study. Let God’s light flood into those dark hidden places. “His light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” Believe the truth: You are loved. You are forgiven. You are not alone.